The other day, I met a friend who got married a year ago. She said to me, "Lisoda diay maminyo. It was not I was expecting. My husband changed after we got married." Her words got me thinking.
Conflict is normal when you get married. Imagine two people, from different households, with different values, different upbringing, different mindset living in one roof. Supposed to love each other for the rest of their lifetime. Sound contradicting right?
After getting married, some of us notice changes in our spouse, and we think, "he really changed, He's not like before."
Change is inevitable, and it's a natural part of life. We age, our hobbies change, our goals change. But some of the changes that we see in our spouse are the result of how we resolve conflicts and differences in our marriage.
For me, offense is the root of all conflicts. When someone is offended, hurtful words and actions follow, leading to fighting and bitterness.
Of course, being offended is a natural part of being human. We are emotional beings who are wired to love and feel loved. However, how we react to being offended is what matters the most.
Do we confront it, resolve it, or sleep it off?
For us, our reaction to it is crucial because it will determine the path of our marriage. Bitterness can lead to more fighting, and Dean and I don't want that.
Bitterness is like a seed. It grows as we feed it with hurtful words, criticism, and nagging.
Love is also like a seed. It grows as we feed it with encouraging words, support, and appreciation.
But remember that Love is more powerful than bitterness. "Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs" (Proverb 10:12). Love heals all wounds
So, why is there conflict in marriage?
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness" (James 1:2-3).
As Dean and I grow in our marriage, I notice that every time we resolve a conflict, we both feel like we level up in our relationship.
Conquering marriage conflicts makes us better spouses, better daughters, better in-laws, and better people. We make each other better. We are better together.
"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up" (Ecclesiastes 4:9-11).
In conclusion, conflicts in marriage are inevitable, but they don't have to break us apart.
As Dean and I continue to navigate our marriage journey, we know that we still have a lot to learn and experience, but we are committed to each other and to our shared goal of being a better spouse every day.
I hope that my reflections on marriage conflicts can help my friends who are married, young couples, and those who are planning to be married.
Remember, marriage is a journey, not a destination, and sharing the love with your partner makes the journey more fulfilling and joyful.
To Journey together, Change together, and Grow together.
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