When I said "I do" to Dean, I made a promise to myself that I would never speak negatively about him to others. This was not because of my concern for others' opinions, but because I understand the power of words.
God spoke and the world was created, Jesus healed the sick through words, and even a fig tree withered from the roots up because of Jesus’ words. Words have the power to bring life or death, and I didn't want to risk speaking ill over my marriage.
Moreover, I realized that bad-mouthing my spouse to others would not do anything to improve our relationship. Instead, it would fuel my anger and push us further apart.
I believe that when we speak ill of our spouses to others, it's a sign of bitterness due to unresolved conflicts. In our marriage, Dean and I prioritize conflict resolution before issues escalate.
I'm blessed to have Dean as my husband. Over time, he has come up with several conflict resolution techniques that have helped us grow stronger together. These methods may not work for every couple, but they are the most effective for us:
1. Praying Together
We believe that prayer is the foundation of our marriage. When we pray together, we invite God's presence into our relationship, and we are reminded of His love and grace. During heated moments, we take a break and pray together for humility and strength. It's amazing how prayer can calm our hearts and bring us closer to each other. It’ll be hard but based on experience, miracles happen.
2. Open and Honest Conversations
Communication is key in any relationship, and we make sure to have open and honest conversations about what's in our hearts. We share our emotions and strive for reconciliation. It's important to speak to your partner, but it's also crucial to speak in a way that they can understand. We listen to each other without interrupting, and we validate each other's feelings.
3. No One Wins
We never try to "win" an argument. We're both winners if we reconcile and move on. It's not about who's right or wrong, but about understanding each other's perspectives and finding a solution that works for both of us. Remember if one wins, the other one loses.
4. Perspective Check
We remind ourselves that our marriage is more important than any argument. This puts everything in perspective. When we keep our focus on our love for each other, it's easier to let go of the little things that can cause unnecessary conflicts.
5. Patience and Understanding
Dean is patient with me when I'm emotional, even when I don't fully understand my feelings. He takes the time to listen and ask questions, and he never dismisses my feelings. This has helped me to trust him more and to feel safe in expressing myself.
6. The Healing Power of Hugs
Dean's most effective technique is his hugs. Even when I'm still angry, his embrace calms me down and heals me. He prays while hugging me, and it works wonders. It's amazing how a simple hug can communicate love and reassurance.
We still do other things but it is better to make your own way of resolving your conflict since every couple is different.
I want to acknowledge that Dean always puts in the most effort to reconcile. He's emotionally stronger than I am, and I thank God for him every day. Dean never goes to bed angry, and he always ensures we reconcile before the sun rises. He knows that if we don't, the bitterness will only grow and lead to more fighting.
But I'm improving, too. There are times when I can express myself directly without resorting to underhanded comments.
In conclusion, I believe in the power of our words, and I will always speak positively about Dean. I hope these conflict resolution techniques help others, too. Resolving conflicts requires effort from both parties. Remember, it takes two to tango.
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